I Could Close Everything Today

And Why That Would Make Me a Worse Trader

Today I want to talk about something personal.

In 2021, I put up a 179% return for my clients.

At the time, I was trading for multiple funds and individual clients. It wasn’t some clean, Instagram version of success. It was one of the hardest years of my life.

My grandmother died that year.

Most of the great things about me come from how incredible that woman was. When I was a kid, I used to tell people she won the Nobel Prize. She hadn’t—she won a Woman of the Year award—but I didn’t know the difference. I just knew she was that great.

She was my hero long before I knew what heroes were supposed to look like.

All the stories I tell you about injuries, resilience, healing—they trace back to her.

When I had spleen surgery and 39 staples running across my stomach, I didn’t want to eat. At all. I felt broken. Weak. Empty. She would go find anything that sounded like I might be able to stomach it. She’d drive anywhere. Every day. Just to get me to eat a little so I could heal.

That’s love in action.

She taught me how to be good to people—not with words, but by example.

She was the Executive Director of the YWCA. If the bathrooms needed to be cleaned, she cleaned them herself. She never passed it off. Never acted above it. If the organization needed pay cuts to survive, she took the biggest one first—until things stabilized.

That’s leadership.

That’s how you run a business.
That’s how you earn respect.

Court case.
Rehab.
Jail.

She was there for all of it. Every time. No conditions. No lectures. Just presence.

When she passed, I felt completely lost.

I had been clean for 11 years at that point. I had rebuilt my life. I had a career. But she was my true north. She was the compass. When she was gone, it felt like the ground shifted under my feet.

But her words never left me.

“This too shall pass.”

She told me that during every bad moment of my life. Every setback. Every disaster. Every period where I thought I couldn’t keep going.

And 2021 tested that belief.

That year, I had conviction in what I was doing—but not the bullshit kind of conviction people talk about on Twitter.

I don’t believe conviction as a trader has anything to do with feelings.

Feelings don’t matter.

Conviction should come from price. From trend. From the market proving—day after day—that your system and your thesis are correct.

That year, the market moved in the direction of the trends I was in. Simple as that.

Life, though, was a different story.

I believe life is always a fight between light and darkness. And sometimes choosing the light is brutally hard—especially when you’re missing a piece of yourself.

But I kept going.

I didn’t trade harder.
I didn’t force more risk.
I didn’t chase.

I just stayed disciplined.

And at the end of that year, we finished up 179%.

Today, I look at the portfolio and it’s sitting at 181%.

And today, that number means absolutely nothing.

It could wobble higher.
It could pull back.
It could give some of it back.

The reason I’m bringing this up now is because I want to show you—in real time—how you handle these moments correctly.

You don’t give a fuck.

That’s the truth.

At year-end, sure, I’ll be happy if that number is still up here. I’m part human. But here’s the real point:

I could close every position today.
I could lock it in.
I could say I beat my best year as a manager.

And that would feel good for about five minutes.

Then it would rot.

Because that’s not what makes you a good trader.

Discipline does.

Discipline is what’s left when you have nothing else left.

When life drops bombs directly in your face.
When you wake up exhausted.
When you’re grieving.
When you’re scared.
When you’re unsure.

You still get up.
You still chop wood.
You still carry water.

“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”

That quote exists for a reason.

The positions stay open until stops are hit.
Or exit signals trigger.
Period.

No exceptions.
No ego.
No scoreboard watching.

Because the race does not start today.
And it sure as hell doesn’t end today.

The race is ongoing.
The battle is forever.

And that’s okay.

That’s the game we signed up for.

This too shall pass—good or bad.

And when it does, you better still be standing.

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Against All Odds Research

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