What Almost Dying Taught Me About Trading

Grief, silence, a ruptured spleen, and why letting go is the most powerful tool a trader has.

When I was younger, death hit hard…

In second grade, I lost immediate family members, one after another. Then the people closest to them started passing as well. I was surrounded by loss at an age when I couldn’t make sense of it.

So I didn’t, I shut down, I stopped talking, and I suppressed my feelings.

Everyone wanted me to be strong.

Not for myself—but for my mom. She had just lost her mother, brother and sister. It was devastating for her.

And I was adopted, so people (not my immediate family) assumed the pain couldn’t hit me as hard. As if blood is what defines loss. As if I hadn’t already lost more than I knew how to name.

No one ever said it out loud, but I knew what was expected: stay composed, don’t fall apart, and don’t make anything harder than it already is.

So I kept it in.

I threw everything I had into sports and riding my bike. Movement made sense, speed gave me control and it helped me escape the questions no one really wanted answered.

People said they wanted me to open up—but what they really wanted was for me to keep going and hold everything together. Talking about my feelings felt dangerous. Words could start fights, expose weakness, or make things worse. So I didn’t use them.

People said they wanted me to open up—but what they really wanted was for me to keep going. To hold everything together.

So I did.

And then, life had a way of giving me exactly what I needed.

At 18, I ruptured my spleen and the hospital didn’t take me seriously. I laid there, bleeding internally for four hours. By the time they acted, I was nearly gone. They life flighted me out and cut me open and I woke up with 39 staples in my stomach.

But I woke up.

And that changed everything.

The worst thing that could happen had almost happened—and I was still here.

There’s nothing more clarifying than facing death and realizing you didn’t die.

That was the first time I let go of survival mode. That was the first time I realized hiding from everyone wasn’t a strength. It was a shield I no longer needed.

Before that day, I was afraid to be myself. I was afraid to feel anything.

After it, I felt like I finally found myself—and started fighting for the life I knew I was meant to have.

I started living.

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As Traders, We Fear Loss. But We Need to Learn to Let Go.

Let go of the trade you missed. Let go of the mistake you made. Let go of the need to be right. Let go of the headlines, the fear, the noise.

Most new traders are still thinking about a bad trade that they made two years ago.

Let it go.

The market doesn’t care what happened to you and it is happy to help you make it back on another trade.

“We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present.” — Melody Beattie

Every trade is a chance to begin again. Each morning can be a new start. The ones who make it through this game aren’t the smartest.

They’re the ones who learn to release what isn’t serving them.

You’re still here, so trade like it.

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Want more charts?

I’m back doing live sessions—and today’s video hits it all.

We cover mental health, market positioning, currencies, bonds, gold, and where we stand in both precious metals and equity markets right now.

If you trade, invest, or just want clarity in this chaos—this one’s for you.
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